Questions to ask when dating someone who’s in the closet

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Photo Credit: Zimbio

So you’ve met the girl or guy of your dreams, but there’s a hitch – they’re not completely out as gay or lesbian. At first you think its ok, you love this person and are willing to accept everything about them.

But chances are when you are dating someone who’s in the closet, there will be some snags along the way.

Dating someone who’s in the closet can be a bit complicated at times, but doable.

Even though you may be out to most everyone you know, this person is still trying to figure out this aspect of their life and how to assimilate it with the relationship they share with you.

Perspective can be everything.

If you try to be positive about things, it can be a bit easier to cope with dating someone who’s still in the closet. For instance, take the fact that they liked you enough to come out to you as a good sign!

When someone is first getting a grip on their sexuality, they are not quite sure how others will react. Come on, think back to when you were realizing you were gay or bi, what was that like? You were probably testing the waters with different people. Chances are your boyfriend or girlfriend who’s in the closet is doing the same thing now.

When it comes down to it, it’s really about each person’s individual timeline regarding their sexuality.

Your timeline may have been one that included you saying, “Hey, I’m gay!” to everyone you met the moment you realized you were gay. But maybe for your girlfriend, telling others she’s bisexual is something she’s slowly working towards

At the end of the day, it’s just that, her timeline. Some people come out as soon as they realize they are gay or bi. Others never really share their sexuality with anyone other than their partners.

Consider these questions:

  • How does your partner feel about being in the closet?
  • Why is your partner in the closet?
  • How do you feel about being dating someone who’s in the closet?
  • How can you be there for your girlfriend or boyfriend who’s still in the closet?

It boils down to what you’re comfortable with. Are you ok dating someone who’s in the closet? Can you live with having part of your relationship open while other parts are kept secret?

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