Study: Same-sex marriage ban hurts gay, lesbian, and bisexual mentally

Gay Lesbian Bisexual Mental Health

Photo Credit: Ambro via Freediitalimages.net

Many people stick to their religious views when it comes to opposing gay marriage and refuse to consider anything else in the ‘gay marriage debate’.

The reality of the matter is that many factors are at stake for gay, lesbian. And bisexual individuals living in states where there is a same-sex marriage ban as per reports from NPR on May 20.

A psychologist from Columbia University, researcher Mark Hatzenbuehler explains: “Lesbian, gay and bisexual individuals who lived in the states that banned same-sex marriage experienced a significant increase in psychiatric disorders.”

He goes on: “There was a 37 percent increase in mood disorders, a 42 percent increase in alcohol-use disorders, and — I think really strikingly — a 248 percent increase in generalized anxiety disorders.”

You might be asking yourself how these figures compare to the mental health of gay, lesbian, and bisexual individuals in states where there is no same-sex marriage ban.

Hatzenbuehler reveals: “We showed the psychiatric disorders did not increase in lesbian, gay and bisexual populations in states that didn’t debate and vote on same-sex marriages. There were also no increases — or much smaller increases — among heterosexuals living in the states that passed same-sex marriage bans.”

In the end, people need to increase their awareness of the real issues at hand. Stability, in the emotional, financial, social sense are among the most important factors in the marriage equality movement.

Many are blinded by their religious takes on things instead of seeing what real people are experiencing, not just what the Bible says.

Gay, lesbian, and bisexual people are real people with real feelings.

As productive members of American society, having their intimate relationships recognized by the law that overturns a same-sex marriage ban  is only a beginning.

Addressing the mental ramifications of years of damage from prejudice and discrimination over the years is the next logical step.

Sources: NPR 

Social worker: Bisexual people real part of GLBTQ community

bisexual female symbolThe GLBTQ community includes gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender, and queer people. However, as discussed by social worker Shane Whalley, many times, the bisexual population is left out many discussions.

In a DailyTexan article, Whalley explains what he feels truly defines bisexuality, and why many in the GLBTQ community sometimes fail to recognize the significance of bi men and women as part of the community.

Whalley, also the director for the Gender and Sexuality Center explains:

“Bisexuality is defined as someone who is emotionally, sexually and romantically attracted to more than one sex. This can be more than just men and women but also [transgender people].”

He points out a common misconception:

“Many think that bisexuals are attracted to every gender and that is untrue. Others think that bisexuals are attracted 50/50 to each sex.”

Whalley continues:

“Bisexuality should be a part of the community, but it always isn’t. Society does not like to put things in a tiny box and have choices.”

Biphobia is a real concern for bisexual individuals. Despite being an obvious part of the GLBTQ community, they are considered ‘confused’ or ‘selfish’ individuals. This is not the case.

Awareness. Whalley’s underlying message, helps spread the message that sexuality is a very personal, individual part of a person’s identity, not their sole being.


Video Credit: YouTube

Sources: DailyTexan

Report: Lesbians do better than gay men in dating scene

lesbian couple women making a toast

Photo Credit: 123rf.com

It turns out lesbians are better daters than gay men. Dating specialist Meghann Novinskie of Mixology explains lesbian women and gay men approach differently at different ages.

As expected, both men and women date similarly in their 20s. But once they reach their 30s, their dating patterns change. The way lesbians and gay males view relationships changes.

Novinskie explains:

” When you’re in your early 20s, trying to establish yourself in your desired career and make a happy home for yourself, whether it be with a partner or not, it is much easier to explore your options in the dating world. Going to bars and clubs is much more acceptable during this time in your life, and you’re more apt to explore your options — especially if you are a transplant from another city.

She goes on to add:

 “As a more mature adult, however, dating becomes more challenging, and that’s where the stereotypes about lesbians and gay men dating come in to play a bit more.”

“‘By nature, women are sometimes more comfortable with nesting once they’ve figured out who they are,”

I know it sounds stereotypical; however, women are more inclined to look for a more nurturing relationship and working on that. Men, however — and this goes for straight men, as well — are wired with that ‘grass is always greener’ mentality. They may find it harder to settle down or may do so at a later age than women, potentially. I have seen from experience that amount of time going from ‘dating’ to being in a ‘serious relationship’ can be shorter for women than it is in men.”

So what’s the take home message here? It would seem lesbian women change their dating patterns when they reach their 30s, While gay men might enjoy the challenges the dating scene offers, lesbian women seem to seek more security in their dating relationships during this time.

Sources: Huffington Post

What do you think of Novinskie’s statements? Are they accurate? What would you add to them?

Coming out as bisexual mom: Jess Wilson Huffington Post

bisexual_by_devilslittlesisterBlogger mom, Jess Wilson came out as bisexual woman on January 8 in a Huffington Post article.

In her article, Wilson, author of the “a diary of a mom” blog, covered a variety of issues including living life as a ‘fraud’, situational disclosure, being an ally for the GLBTQ community, and how sexuality is not always ‘linear’ in nature. In the post, she explains how a conversation with a friend changed everything for her.

Jess explains she was in a deep discussion with a friend, a male friend, who was, at least outwardly, living life as a straight male. The truth? He considers himself bisexual.

Fearing what others would think of his coming out as bisexual man, Wilson’s friend had lived as a “straight man” for many years. Bisexual men and women are often criticized when they have a relationship with the same sex and then go on to have a relationship with the opposite sex.

At one point, the concept of “situational disclosure” comes up. Basically, this involves coming out to certain people depending on what is happening in your life at any given time. For Wilson, it seems prior to marrying her husband, she was out as bisexual woman in a lesbian relationship.

She reflects on how she is happy with her life as a married woman with two children. But, she makes it a point to discuss how there have always been moments she’s felt like a ‘fraud’:

“It doesn’t come up much, but there are moments. There are dropped pronouns in stories of my past. There are thoughts left without a voice. And then there are times when I am praised for being an ally to the gay community. It is in those moments that I feel the most like a fraud.”

The GLBTQ community is one that is regularly scrutinized. Facing regular challenges in the fight to marry, or the same-sex marriage moment, gay and lesbian couples are all too familiar with what it’s like to be considered ‘second-class’ citizens. In reaction to her friend’s story, Jess Wilson came out.

She came out as a bisexual woman, in order to make her sexuality known, to make her story know. In her sexual orientation disclosure, she hopes others who have lived life as she has will find solace in that things happen for a reason, and life’s twists and turns will take you where you need to be. While it may not always be an easy ride, it it’s a ride worth taking.

Jess Wilson finishes her article with these words:

“The point was my power, and the fact that I was looking in the wrong direction for change. I was frustrated with myself, not with him. I live with the privilege of others’ assumption about me. And by allowing those assumption to stand, I also allow ignorance to stand. Not anymore.”

Sources: Huffington Post

Ultimately, Wilson seeks to bring awareness to the wrongful assumptions held about people, simply based on their sexuality. As Jessie J., Anna Paquin, and Cynthia Nixon have pointed out, sexuality does not define who you are. Yes, it’s a big part of who you are, but you are not your sexuality.

Enjoying the holidays: Dating someone who’s in the closet

out gay couple getty dating someone in the closetThe holidays are quickly approaching and more than likely, you are looking forward to them. You are completely out to your family as a lesbian or gay man and they love you for it.

Here’s the catch, your girlfriend or newest boyfriend is totally in the closet. How do you handle this?

Advice on dating someone in the closet during the holidays can be useful, especially when tackling nosey family members or coworkers.

Here are a few tips to keep in mind when you decide to take your closeted partner to the holiday parties or around your family this year:

Be patient. If your partner is still in the closet, chances are they are anxious about being themselves around others. If you are ok with their being in the closet for the time being, give them some space. In time, they may feel comfortable enough to come out to others in time.

Offer support. Think back to when you first came to friends and loved ones. If you were nervous about doing so, they probably are too. Coming out is a personal experience for each person. Dating someone who is in the closet can be both fun and scary at the same time, both for you and your closeted partner.

Let them know what you think of dating someone who is in the closet. Are you ok with it? Does it bother you? Sharing your feelings might open up the lines of communication with them. If they know they can talk to you about things, even if you might not be ok with it, at least they have an outlet for their fears related to coming out to others.

How have you dealt with dating a closeted lesbian or gay man? What did you learn from the relationship? What advice can you offer others who may be spending with holidays this year with someone who is still in the closet?

Lance Bass tried praying the gay away (Video)

Lance Bass Ricki Lake InterviewComing out is not an easy task. With National Coming Out Day around the corner (October 11), some celebrities are discussing their personal experiences with the media. One such celebrity is Lance Bass. Bass was well known for his involvement in the boy band ‘N Sync.

In an interview that aired on October 2, 2012 on the Ricki Lake show, Lance came clean with the inner turmoil he experienced as a closeted gay man and what it felt like to finally share his identity as proud gay man with the world.

During his time with the band he reportedly kept his sexual orientation a secret for several reasons, including the success of his musical career as well as fear of religious consequences.

When he finally came out in 2006 as a gay man, he did so for many reasons but did not fully explain why he did so at the time.

At one point in the interview, Ricki Lake asks Lance what it felt like to hold such a strong part of his identity a secret for so long. Lance responded:

“It eats you away, it really does. My whole existence, up until 20 years old, I always told myself and I’d pray every day that I would wake up straight. Because I didn’t want to deal with it, I wanted to fit in. And I was torn over the whole religious aspect of it, that was my main concern, was my family and my religion.”

He continued: “When you’re taught from your first thought that being gay is completely wrong and is against the bible and you will go to hell, you’re going to try to do and convince yourself in any way possible to try to change yourself into what everyone else wants you to be.”

Many gay and lesbian individuals struggle with sharing their sexual identity with others. Fear or bullying, abuse, and alienation from others are just a few factors in the decision to keep sexual orientation a secret. As a gay celebrity who has shared his journey with his fans, Lance Bass may help others who struggle with similar experiences.

Do you know someone who has faced feelings such as the ones Lance Bass describes? How did they deal with their coming out experience?

Watch a video of Lance Bass during his interview with Ricki Lake:

Video Credit: YouTube

Sources: South Florida Gay News

 

Lesbian mother Allison Scollar wins custody of adoptive daughter

 

NY Lesbian couple Allison Scollar brook Altman by Janette Beckman gay adoptionOctober is LGBT history month. Themes highlighted throughout the month include human rights, civil rights, and equal marriage rights for members of the GLBTQ community.

Cases such as that of NY lesbian mothers Allison Scollar and Emmy-winning TV producer Brook Altman bring to light the difficulties often faced by gay and lesbian parents in gay adoption or same-sex adoption cases.

On October 1, 2012, the media is reporting that in their heated custody battle, Scollar, the adoptive mother of the 6-year-old daughter they have in common, was granted full custody at the end of the case.

As LGBT history month gets underway, this ruling stands to set a precedent for same-sex couples, or gay and lesbian families stuck in the legal system trying to claim their parental rights after a gay adoption.

Scollar and Altman met on a one-night stand and began living together shortly thereafter. Their daughter was conceived from sperm donated by a friend of Allison’s named Robert Frame.

In the case of a gay or lesbian couple adopting a child, or gay adoption,  if the state does not legally recognize gay adoption proceedings  or if non-biological parent has not adopted the child, how will they fare in the courts if relationship is dissolved?

The ruling judge, Gloria Sosa-Lintner, explained:

“Although . . . Altman is the biological parent, this does not give her an automatic priority over the adoptive parent. This is analogous to a father getting custody of his own child, where only the best interests of the child are paramount.”

Sosa-Lintner adds that Scollar:

“is indeed the more responsible parent looking out for the child’s best interests, not her own interests”

She further explained that:

“. . .Altman, who is a film producer, is the freer spirit, more outwardly creative and more laid-back parent,”

“During the course of this trial, the testimony has shown that she would miss therapy appointments or be late to school or camp bus because she overslept or felt that play dates were more important than therapy or that play dates should end late in the evening so that the child and she were too tired to commit to a schedule.”

In the case of this gay adoption, the judge was able to consider the parents, Scollar and Altman, as parents, not same-sex or lesbian parents, taking into consideration what each parent was bringing to the table. In the past, as in the case of heterosexual parents, sole custody would have been afforded to the father, or the parent making more money.

In this case, Allison Scollar was deemed the responsible parent, and she won the case.

Do the results of this parenting case lay the groundwork for parenting in the gay and lesbian community?

Will future parents in the GLBTQ community be able to feel a sense of security when fighting for their children in the legal system after a gay adoption?

What are your thoughts on the outcome of the case of Allison Scollar versus Brook Altman? How might this case fit into historical milestones observed during LGBT history month?

Sources: The American ConservativeThe New York Post

Go gay friendly on National Marriage Equality Day

National Marriage Equality Day 2012National Marriage Equality Day, named by GLBTQ charity Equally Wed, will take place on August 7, 2012 across the nation in businesses that openly support equal marriage rights.

Gay marriage, or same-sex marriage has been a hot topic on the media, quite abuzz thanks to the attention it has received from the Christian based company Chick-fil-A controversy.

Ever since the president of the company, Dan Cathy made statements directly in support against the legalization of gay marriage, the United States paying close attention to both sides of the equal marriage rights debate.

With the passing of National Chick-fil-A appreciate day which took place on August 1, 2012, many were hoping the GLBTQ community would do something in addition to their National Same-sex Kiss day which already passed as well.

While the kiss-ins were successful in raising awareness to the emotional side of the issues at hand, those in the gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender and queer community hope the National Marriage Equality Day will really shed light on just how much influence the GLBGTQ people have on the economy on the United States.

The goal of the day will be to give business to gay friendly businesses, the businesses that have openly supported the legalization of gay marriage in the United States. Businesses such as Amazon.com, Google, Starbucks, Home Depot, and KFC are but a few.

Many against equal marriage rights are unaware of the weight gay and lesbian couples and families play in helping the economy move along. Perhaps with the National Marriage Equality Day, the United States, and others around the world, will see what the GLBTQ can do.

Many fail to realize the significance of the rights couples are afforded when they get married, legally. This day will illustrate what the GLBTQ community is capable of, despite having been afforded their equal marriage rights across the board.For a list of gay friendly business visit Equally Wed.

How do you foresee National Marriage Equality Day will do? Do you think gay and lesbian couples and families will take to their gay friendly business to give them more power in the American economy? How will this impact the equal marriage rights movement?

Sources: Equally Wed

Anna Paquin: Being bisexual is real, not about gender

 

bisexual anna paquin true blood eonlineActress Anna Paquin of True Blood is currently expecting her first child. Having come out as a bisexual actress a few years ago, she echoes messages regarding bisexuality similar to those expressed by actress Cynthia Nixon from Sex and the City. Despite societal views, bisexuality is a real sexual orientation, not a social construct to label people others feel are ‘sexually greedy’.

Paquin, openly bisexual, shared in a Zooey Magazine interview:

“I’m sure for some people saying they’re bisexual feels less scary than making a statement that they’re gay. For me, it’s not really an issue because I’m someone who believes being bisexual is actually a thing. It’s not made up. It’s not a lack of decision. It’s not being greedy or numerous other ignorant things I’ve heard at this point. For a bisexual, it’s not about gender. That’s not the deciding factor for who they’re attracted to.”

Bisexual men and women often face stigma. As pointed out in previous articles, many in American culture view bisexual people as being ‘sexually greedy’ and basically attracted to everyone they meet. This is not the case. As Anna points out, there is not a ‘lack of decision’ in choosing a mate. Bisexual people, just like heterosexual and gay/lesbian people are actively involved in whom they create dating relationships with.

Contrary to societal views, bisexuality is a very real, very human sexual orientation.

 

Others celebrities who have come out as being bisexual include actress Angelina Jolie, singer Christina Aguilera, singer Amber Rose, and actress Evan Rachel Wood. See a slideshow of these celebrity bisexual women here.

Source: EvilBeetGossip

What is your take on bisexuality? Do you agree with True Blood star Anna Paquin? Or do you think bisexuality is not a real sexual orientation?

Four Miami gay and lesbian resources, LGBT support

 

miami beach gay pride festival enriquesantosMiami has a great many gay and lesbian resources in the community. With goals related to advocacy, social networking, and medical support, Miami offers a number of locations and services  to help those in the gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender (LGBT) community. Here are a few of those resources.

The Miami-Dade Gay and Lesbian Chamber of Commerce offers information on LGBT friendly events and businesses, dining, and a community center. Located on Miami Beach, they invite visitors and Miami residents alike to stop by for information on the gay and lesbian community in Miami. Visit their site here.

SAVE Dade is another group involved in a great deal of advocacy throughout Miami-Dade. They are an organization aimed at ridding the LGBT community of the discrimination and bullying. They work together to create campaigns aimed at helping individuals and families alike to rise above adversity. If you are interested in volunteering with them or need their help, visit SAVE Dade here.

Parents, Families, and Friends of Lesbians and Gays (PFLAG) is a group that aims to offer social support, advocacy and education to the loved ones of gay and lesbian people in Miami.  Their mission, as described on their site is to foster acceptance and inclusion of diversity throughout the community. Visit the PFLAG website here for updated information. Here are the Miami Chapters information:

PFLAG Hialeah (Representative)
Miami, FL 33015
pflaghialeah@hotmail.com
Distance from 33165: 7.93 miles

PFLAG North Miami (Representative)
2159 Sans Souci Blvd #1401
North Miami, FL 33181
sandrapino12@comcast.net
Phone:  (954) 703-2960

The YES Institute is a group of advocates works to raise awareness on the impact of bullying on teens and adults in the LGBT community. With the rising number of suicides as a result of bullying, they aim to educate others on gender and sexual orientation. You can find out more about their work in the community and find personal resources on their website here.

Know of other good resources for the gay and lesbian community in Miami? Share them in the comments below.